Meet Amber: Medicine Woman
In our ongoing series of highlighting dynamic profiles, we are featuring Amber Gonzales, a medicine woman from the High Desert. Here, Amber speaks with Marie Rina about her background, what she does and more.
Tell me about your background.
Amber: I’m an indigenous artisan and Medicine Woman of Yaqui and Aztec decent. I spent the early years of my childhood living with my grandparents in Monterey Park, California, and later moved to Apple Valley, but every possible weekend and school break I’d go stay back with my grandparents, mainly because I think my grandfather caught early on that I was capable of certain abilities, though he never said it outright. He definitely gave a lot of advice that always tied into what I needed to be told and from a very early age provided that unbiased safe space to just be a kid and free in all that I was experiencing.
I can’t recall ever telling him specifically I can see ghosts, hear people’s thoughts or know things that would happen, and move energy orbs physically in my hands, but he’d say things like, “Everything in life has a balance. That man has many sides and we have a balance that needs to be kept within us.” He told me this while sitting in the overgrown grass fields up on the ridge of Barnes Park in Monterey Park, and he moved his hands over the tops of the grass and said, “See how you feel it on your hand, but you let it move in the wind? That’s how you know the balance. You don’t control, but you feel how to move with it.” Looking back, he now reminds me of sort of Mr. Miyagi, which is funny, because he kind of looked like him. It was numerous moments like that, that laid the foundation of who I am. If it wasn’t talks about life and what I’d later learn was called “spirituality,” then it was about art composition as he was an artist, a painter, whom I inherited that gift.
As I grew up I would be pulled to things like T’ai Chi, yoga, parts of eastern medicine and indigenous or old world teachings and it wasn’t like I was learning anything new, but more like a reminder because I’d already knew some of it or I’d pick it up really easily. Sometimes I was scared, but I’d channel a lot of what I couldn’t share with anyone into my artwork.
It wasn’t until I was in my mid-20’s that I had my true spiritual awakening and started to formally seek out and learn just what it was I was a part of and it was that time that one of my ancestors came to me. My great-grandmother Marceline would come to me in spirit and tell me of all I came from, all that had been hidden for her safety, and started what would be over a decade of unearthing and decolonizing our family history. Before, I’d always been told I was Mexican or Spanish and never thought to question why I’d have visions of indigenous women and a shaman coming to me and telling me of being a warrior, a healer, and most importantly a protector of women and children for future generations. I think maybe I didn’t want to validate it at the time given the responsibility that was implied. But since then I’ve had many spiritual leaders and people walking a similar path come into my life and be guides to bringing me in to the fullness of my ancestral purpose.
The real moment though, of knowing wholeheartedly that I am on the path I’m meant to walk, happened just before COVID-19 really hit and started impacting our way of life. I was out on a little adventure in the San Gabriel Mountains, walking along Lytle Creek when I was suddenly pulled to stand still in a clearing under the trees. Everything went silent and I felt as though I was in a shielded bubble from the world around me. My eyesight shifted, I was able to see tiny lime green and brown orbs of light moving along the trees and moving into the leaves. I then heard a male voice tell me, “You’re ready, it’s time.” I instinctively looked down and seen a long stick that hadn’t been there when I first stepped into that area. I would have tripped over it.
Again, I heard a voice say, “Pick it up.” When I did I immediately noticed how it was formed to my body. For my height it came just to where my hand would rest, having a natural handle and had another branch that came out backward to support my arm if I’d needed; it was solid and sturdy. Smooth too, like it’s been sanded down and carved. Definitely not something you find that’s freshly fallen from a tree. I stood there a minute taking it all in and trying to process fully what was happening when I’d felt I was being watched. I quickly looked up and noticed a pair of eyes watching me from in the bushes across the creek. To this day I still can’t explain what they may have belonged to, but they had a serious and majestic, regal gaze to them. I know I was being given a gift, blessed by the elemental beings of nature and I knew I needed to be respectful. I quickly said thank you and a prayer and left with the stick that was now my staff. I’ve used it in certain rituals that’ve required me to pull upon that energy, but that was the moment I became a medicine woman.
When did you first discover or learn that you had these gifts and abilities?Amber: When I was about 3 or 4 years old I saw my first spirit. It was a little boy that came to me and comforted me when I was upset and he let me know that I was protected. He looked just like we do, only he had a very bright, crystallized, blue-white light glow to his skin, but still has skin tone and features. Then I think I was about 7 years old when I noticed I could pull the life force energy off of plants and pull them in to a ball and move them to other areas. I’m happy to say I don’t do that anymore as I’ve learned to respect them, but that’s when I noticed I could kill my mother’s houseplants instantly. As for ghosts and speaking through realms, I’ve been aware of it so thoroughly that I can’t pinpoint it, but since I was young as well.
Do you have a favorite thing or aspect about this?
Amber: I’ve always been aware of what we consider magick and that there is an entirely different way of life beyond what we’re told. So meeting other people that also share that point of view and helping others to feel comforted and more aware of themselves within the universe, there really is so much joy in awakening someone to their inner light, their strength, and witnessing them falling in love with the human experience is beautiful. And so much of “awakening” and navigating our “shadow self” and doing the deep, dingy inner work can be hard and scary. It brings up not only our own muck, but we have generational and ancestral trauma that comes to the surface. Watching someone facing that gives me so much respect for everyone I meet. Even the people who are referred to me or just happen to be led to me who are learning their extra sensory skills and don’t quite know how to manage them yet, I see them as my teachers, not my students. I may be guiding someone, but I consider myself the messenger, I relay what they need to know from the other side, while also taking in their greatness, their story. I think we’re all just building chapters in our family legacies and I know I’m here to not only decolonize and write mine, but help others as well.
What’s your least favorite thing?
Amber: I really try not to hold judgment on anyone because I know that any disbelief or negative act of a person is playing on something unhealed within themselves and it’s an act of fear or hurt that builds those walls within people. Oftentimes, I can see steps ahead for a person, and they’re actually more readable, the more angry, or hurt they are. So, I still react from a place of love and respect that if something I say or do doesn’t resonate for them, then that’s okay. I used to get really hurt or upset by this, because I’d want them to understand I’m trying to help them, aid their healing, to help make their lives better, but I’ve learned how that is disrespecting my own energy and gifts. It’s their life and we all get to make the choice of how we respond to the events that happen in it, but there are times still when it’s harder to see someone struggling and not want a helping hand.
What would you tell people who criticize your work with this?
Amber: Sometimes I’ll get told to prove it by guessing a number in their head, make a ghost appear or make an inanimate object move. My response has always been I’m not a circus monkey here to perform for anyone and I’d never disrespect the power of realms for that sort of behavior. When I get told by people that certain things don’t exist or it’s all made up, I don’t argue. I let them believe what they want, but what’s really interesting is when they want to argue the validity of witchcraft or shamanism, but then learn I’m Native American and suddenly their tune changes and they want to respect my belief and know of a “spirit animal.” I don’t see any belief as being more powerful or more valid than the next. They all have their places amongst deities and I trust that if anyone needs an awakening into the truth of Divinity, it’ll find them.
Who has been your biggest influence?
Amber: So many people come to mind and have influenced who I’ve become and I know that I’m still going to meet tons of impactful people as I go on, but I really owe a thank you to my grandfather for seeing me and my spirit long before I knew what my heart was capable of. It’s carrying my ancestors with me, standing in a place of knowing I’m the embodiment of a people fighting not to be forgotten.
